President’s Message – November 1992
Jack O’Rourke: “I Did It For The Money”

All members are urged to attend the November meeting for consideration of three important items of business: the budget for next year, the selection of new club colors, and the sentencing of Jack O’Rourke. The budget will not be controversial -the officers having agreed to a token 43% pay raise -so I’ll confine my remarks to the last two items. 

We are about to choose new club colors to reflect the recent growth and dynamism of the club. The current colors, inspired by the Salvador Dali painting “Putrefying Roadkill,” have served well, but it is time to move on. To that end, a committee composed of Karen Lawrence, Tony Lee and Karin Oleski have been diligently researching new color combinations and fabrics for our consideration. Their offerings will be the highlight of our Fall Fashion Show in November. 

Do you favor the burnt orange/ivory singlet above the sandwashed claret silk shorts? How about the pigment dyed-fuchsia long sleeve, with indigo racing stripes, and a daring bateau neckline? Or for the more adventuresome, they’re offering a neon pink flamingo pattern against a chartreuse background with scalloped lace edging, and padded shoulders (a must for The Men of the GFTC). For winter running, the sheer Lycra Bodystocking, available in Hermaphroditic Heliotrope, Naked Neutral or Androgynous Avocado, is sure to be a hit. The choice is yours; be there or be square.

On a more ominous note, at the last meeting it came to our attention that Jack O’Rourke has changed the distance of the Scott Bailey race. He has shortened it from the challenging and hallowed 6.5 miles, to a pathetic, namby-pamby, “feeling good about myself” 5 miles. 

Several thoughtful motions were put forward in response to this news. They were: to censure, to impeach, to keelhaul, to dismember, or (the overwhelming favorite) to emasculate. A minority wanted to table the latter motion pending an investigation. In recognition of Jack’s many years of dedicated service to the club, we decided to afford him an opportunity to justify his senseless and provocative action. This past week I asked Jack what philosophical tenet, what moral imperative, had prompted this sacrilegious act. 

“I did it for the money “ he explained. 

The “procedure” will be performed by Ray Murphy at the close of our next meeting. Without anesthesia. 

Art